I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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