Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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