She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
