OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
