Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
