My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
