I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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