I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just blew my weed a kiss
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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