i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
