he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I looked at my own cervix.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
