i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
