I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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