We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
