I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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