omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
