this beer tastes like vomit already
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
