he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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