is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
