when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
ttyl tear gas
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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