so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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