wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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