I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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