She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
