I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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