I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
