Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize