1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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