your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
