Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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