Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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