I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
The power of my boobs compel you
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
