I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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