I smell stomach acid.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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