So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
