dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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