nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
