So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
