1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
