everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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