hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think your dad took our porno
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
