it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
