she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
