it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
