Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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