okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
