Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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