I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
