1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
