whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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