It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
