I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
