3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You ruined the universe
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize