k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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