So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
