I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
