Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
