my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
