you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
