It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
