My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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