Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
