I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize