genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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