There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
