where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
