Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
