Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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