So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
