I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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