so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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