I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
