His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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