We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
