My sheets look like a crime scene.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
