You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
