Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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