I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
did i walk over a car last night?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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