He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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