Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
