If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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