your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize